How
is it that certain people are so incredibly persuasive? Can we all harness
those skills?
THE BASICS
1.
Persuasion is not Manipulation - Manipulation
is coercion through force to get someone to do something that is not
in their own interest. Persuasion is the art of getting people to do
things that are in their own best interest that also benefit you.
2. Persuade
the Persuadable - Everyone
can be persuaded, given the right timing and context, but not necessarily in
the short term. Political campaigns focus their time and money on a small
set of swing voters who decide elections. The first step of persuasion is
always to identify those people that at a given time are persuadable to your
point of view and focus your energy and attention on them.
3. Context and Timing - The basics
building blocks of persuasion are context and timing. Context creates a
relative standard of what’s acceptable. Timing dictates what we want from
others and life. We chose to marry a different type of person than we
date when we’re younger, because what we want changes.
4. You have to be Interested to be Persuaded - You
can never persuade somebody who’s not interested in what you’re saying.
We are all most interested in ourselves, and spend most of our time
thinking about money, love or health. The first art of persuasion is
learning how to consistently talk to people about them; if you do that then
you’ll always have their captive attention.
5. Reciprocity Compels – When I do something for you, you feel compelled to do something for me. It is part of our evolutionary DNA to help each other out to survive as a species. More importantly, you can leverage reciprocity disproportionately in your favor. By providing small gestures of consideration to others, you can ask for more back in return which others will happily provide.
6. Persistence Pays - The person who
is willing to keep asking for what they want, and keeps demonstrating value, is
ultimately the most persuasive. The way that so many historical figures
have ultimately persuaded masses of people is by
staying persistent in their endeavors and message.
7. Compliment Sincerely - We are all so
positively affected by compliments, and we’re more apt to trust people for whom
we have good feelings. Try complimenting people sincerely and often for
things they aren’t typically complimented for, it’s the easiest thing you can
do to persuade others that doesn’t cost anything but a moment of thought.
8. Set Expectations - Much of
persuasion is managing other expectations to trust in your judgment.
The CEO who promises a 20% increase in sales and delivers a 30% increase
is rewarded, while the same CEO who promises a 40% increase and delivers 35% is
punished. Persuasion is simply about understanding
and over-delivering on other people's expectations.
9. Don’t Assume - Don’t
ever assume what someone needs, always offer your value. In sales we’ll
often hold back from offering our products/services because we assume others
don’t have the money or interest. Don’t assume what others might want or
not want, offer what you can provide and leave the choice to them.
10. Create Scarcity – Besides
the necessities to survive, almost everything has value on a relative scale.
We want things because other people want these things. If you want
somebody to want what you have, you have to make that object scarce, even if
that object is yourself.
11. Create Urgency – You
have to be able to instill a sense of urgency in people to want to act right
away. If we’re not motivated enough to want something right now,
it’s unlikely we’ll find that motivation in the future.
We have to persuade people in the present, and urgency is our most
valuable card to play.
12. Images Matter – What
we see is more potent that what we hear. It may be why so little
companies are now so forthcoming with the potentially horrible side effects of
their drugs, when set to a background of folks enjoying a sunset in Hawaii.
Perfect your first impressions. And master the ability to paint an image
for others, in their minds eye, of a future experience you can
provide for them.
13. Truth-Tell – Sometimes
the most effective way to persuade somebody is by telling them the things about
themselves that nobody else is willing to say. Facing the hard truths are
the most piercing, meaningful events that happen in our lives. Truth-tell
without judgment or agenda, and you’ll often find others’ responses
quite surprising.
14. Build Rapport - We like people
who we are like. This extends beyond our conscious decisions to
our unconscious behaviors. By Mirroring and Matching others habitual behaviors (body language, cadence, language
patterns, etc.) you can build a sense of rapport where people feel
more comfortable with you and become more open to your suggestions.
PERSONAL SKILLS
15. Behavioral Flexibility - It’s the person
with the most flexibility, not necessarily the most power, who’s in control.
Children are often so persuasive because they’re willing to go through
a litany of behaviors to get what they want (pouting, crying,
bargaining, pleading, charming), while parents are stuck with the single
response of “No.” The larger your repertoire of behaviors, the
more persuasive you’ll be.
16. Learn to Transfer Energy - Some people
drain us of our energy, while others infuse us with it. The most
persuasive people know how to transfer their energy to others, to motivate and
invigorate them. Sometimes it’s as straightforward as eye contact,
physical touch, laughter, excitement in verbal responses, or even
just active listening.
17. Communicating Clearly is Key - If you can’t
explain your concept or point of view to an 8th grader, such that they could
explain it with sufficient clarity to another adult, it’s too complicated.
The art of persuasion lies in simplifying something down to its
core, and communicating to others what they really care about.
18. Being Prepared Gives you the Advantage - Your starting
point should always be to know more about the people and situations around you.
Meticulous preparation allows for effective persuasion. For
example, you dramatically improve your odds in a job interview
being completely versed in the company’s products, services, and
background.
19. Detach and Stay Calm in Conflict - Nobody is more
effective when they are In situations of heightened emotion, you’ll always have
the most leverage by staying calm, detached and unemotional. In conflict,
people turn to those in control of their emotions,
and trust them in those moments to lead them.
20. Use Anger Purposefully - Most people are
uncomfortable with conflict. If you’re willing escalate a situation
to a heightened level of tension and conflict, in many cases others will back
down. Use this sparingly, and don’t do it from an emotional place or due
to a loss of self control. But do remember, you can use anger
purposefully for your advantage.
21. Confidence and Certainty - There
is no quality as compelling, intoxicating and attractive as certainty. It
is the person who has an unbridled sense of certainty that will
always be able to persuade others. If you really believe in what you do,
you will always be able to persuade others to do what’s right for them, while
getting what you want in return.
Ms.Toni
Marsalia
Largaespada
